My Nanny handled death just like she did her entire
life. She was tough. She was a fighter to the very end. And, she spent the last weeks of her life
teaching us things about ourselves that we didn’t know, showing us that we are
stronger than we thought and can do more than we imagined and that anything
done in love is worth doing.
When someone loves you unconditionally, it is a privilege
and even a joy to love them back in that way until they breathe their
last. Many people questioned our
decision to keep Nanny at home during her final days. If I am honest, there
were many moments when I questioned it myself.
We ultimately stayed the course because of the example she had set for
us many years ago. My Nanny retired at
age 62 to take care of my Papa as he lost his battle with cancer. She had help from Hospice, but she changed
bandages and administered medicine and functioned on mere hours of sleep for
what seemed like years. She also took
care of her brother and both of her parents during their final days. And although I’ve never been near death, she
took care of me for over thirty years.
There were many times we weren’t sure the right way to do things to
care for her, like changing her bed-sheets with her in the bed, and we longed
to ask her what to do. But, somehow, we
got it done; and Friday morning when she finally let go, I think she was proud of
the job we had done. During the last few
weeks, when we thought every day would be her last, people would ask us what we
thought she was holding on to. I wish I
knew for sure. And maybe I sound a
little full of myself admitting this, but I think she was soaking up every
ounce of time she could with mom and me.
I think she knew who we were and that we were there right until the very
end.
I struggled at times during Nanny’s sickness with ill
feelings towards those in my family who were not as present as we were through
it all. I wanted them to know what they
were missing; she was such an incredible person. Yet, those feelings completely subsided the
morning Nanny breathed her last. I had
no regrets, and no guilt, and a heart full of memories and life lessons to last
me until I am a Nanny myself. Not
everyone can say that, and the loss in that is theirs. She was a blessing and I was her favorite thing. What a legacy!
Proverbs 31:26-28
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her
tongue. She watches over the affairs of
her household and does not eat the bread of idlemess. She children arise and call her blessed.
