This Season

To every thing there is a season,

and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, a time to die;

a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal;

a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;

a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to lose;

a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew;

a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time of war, and a time of peace.

Ecclesiatstes 3:1-8

My students had to memorize and recite poems for class today.  Megan found a website that had a lot of poems with literary merit listed and we gave them the link and asked them to choose from the list.   Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 was on the list, and since it’s fairly easy to memorize (or should have been!) several of my students chose it.  My first period is not honors, so they didn’t have to memorize, but were to attempt a dramatic reading of one of the poems.  When the first student read the verses out loud, this mama’s eye welled up with tears. 

I claimed these verses two years ago when I was weeping, mourning, breaking down, hating my circumstances, processing death.  Christmas two years ago was the worst of my life.  We decorated our house and went through the motions and missed our baby boy like crazy. Last year we had both girls, and although we were so grateful, the stress of sharing Amoura was exhausting, and the events that actually transpired over the holiday cast a shadow on our first Christmas with Layla.

But this year is different.

We spent last night at the Village Park riding the train with Layla, her bestie, Quinn, and her parents Kimberly and Jason. 

The picture says it all: we moms had been waiting far too long to snuggle bundled up babies under the glow of giant trees and fake snow falling.  I kept thinking to myself as we smiled for pictures and encouraged the girls to look at all the pretty lights, “what a difference a year makes.”  Christmas of 2014 was tough for Jason and Kimberly.  They’d gone through three failed adoptions and still had empty arms.  Now they have a nine month old, and we get to freak out together over awesome Christmas bibs and “bow of the month” clubs for baby girls. This is our season of “getting” and it feels incredible.

When I warned my students today that I might cry, they wanted an explanation.  How can you NOT cry at the promises in these verses?  Even in my saddest season, I believed that a time to dance was coming.  I knew I would laugh again.  I didn’t know when or what it would look like, but I knew it was coming.  And now that it’s here and it has a name and calls me mama, I am so grateful and humbled and ashamed of myself for not always giving thanks. This Christmas season, may I not forget for one second what a gift I’ve been given, not just in my baby girl, but in the baby boy who was born in a manger and became not just the Savior of the world, but the Savior of a small town English teacher who cries when her students recite poetry. 

Advent Season

My blogger idol/virtual friend/person I adore most who I’ve never met in real life, Brooke, made a commitment in November to blog everyday.  It was like a month long early Christmas gift to me from her.  I love reading her blog.  I love how honest she is and how funny she is and how she can put into words exactly how I feel about so many things.  Each day when her post showed up in my email, I felt like I was catching up with a friend.  I also felt a little jealous because she had time was making time in her day to write and I was not.  Yes, she has a full time job (as an English professor), a husband, two kids, and a dog. And, yes, she found time every day in November to write something down and share it with the masses.  I’ve been thinking if she can do it, I can do it, too.

One huge difference between Brooke and me is that she is not a Face.book user and I am.  That’s really the only major difference time wise I can come up with, although since I don’t know her personally, I’m just guessing here.  If I put down my freaking cell phone and pick up my laptop (and manage not to look at Face.book on it either) I can easily put enough time in my day to write.  And, let’s face it, I NEED to put the phone down and write, talk, exercise, DO SOMETHING other than staring at a phone screen.

Today is the first day of the advent season.  For some reason, this year more than any other year before, I want to celebrate each day that leads up to the Savior’s birth.  My in laws made us adorable advent “rolls” to open each day and I have committed to a scripture copying plan that will take me through Christmas.  I also purchased a digital download of an Advent Devotional (you can check it out here) that I’ll be going through this season.  I want to really focus on the reason for the season this year.  We have so much to be thankful for and sometimes-lots of times- the fact that a baby was born in a manger to save me from a punishment I deserved gets lost in the monotonous “thank you for this day” and “thank you for this baby” prayers. 

So, my goal for the Christmas season is to dwell on the real reason we celebrate Christmas.  My goal is to make more time to do things I love the are good for me like writing, reading my Bible, praying for others, and serving others for heaven’s sake. Next year at this time, Layla will be ready to start learning about the Jesus’ birth and I want to prime the pump this year to begin advent traditions with her.  Hopefully, there will be more to read from me in the next days and weeks as I try to put down the phone and pick up an old habit and remember what’s important is rarely read in a newsfeed.

Happy Birthday, Layla

Our baby girl turned one today.  It doesn’t seem like it could be possible, and yet it is.  We spent the weekend celebrating her little life with most of our family and many friends who prayed her into existence not so long ago. 

I started pinning ideas and planning for Layla’s first birthday party several months ago.  I remembered planning for Amoura’s party getting pretty stressful, so I started earlier this go round.  When I was pregnant with Levi and not sure of his gender, I pinned some adorable hot air balloon nursery decorations that I just loved.  But then we found out he was a boy and went with the surf theme and I didn’t think about hot air balloons anymore until I was looking for 1^st birthday party ideas.   When I saw a few hot air balloon themed birthday parties, I was hooked.  Previously, I had contemplated copying my blogger/babyloss-mama/idol Brooke who did a doughnut party for her baby Coco a few months back.  It was cute and simple, but ultimately, I decided it was too simple; I she had to have the hot air balloons!

The decoration crafting began with some online ordering.  I would need Chinese lanterns and small lightweight baskets to make hot air balloons.  I picked up scrapbook paper, twine and ribbon at Hobby Lobby and started by adding the ribbon to the baskets.  Then, I cut what seemed like a hundred oblong strips of scrapbook paper to Modge Podge to the Chinese lanterns.  Except, my Modge Podge was nowhere to be found, so I made the first 2 balloons with puzzle glue. (The Modge Podge surfaced at school while I was looking for something totally unrelated to birthday crafts!)  The hardest part of the whole ordeal was tying the strings onto the balloon and then onto the basket in a way that made them look like actual hot air balloons.   I read a few tutorials but ultimately ended up doing my own thing.  Skip got interested in the crafting when I was about half way through, so he joined the fun and, of course, his balloons were much better than mine (and took twice as long!). Layla loved looking at the finished products and throwing around the extra lanterns, so I knew I’d made the right choice with the theme.

Two of my best teacher friends have Silhouette machines, so I recruited Courtney to cut out little 4-inch paper hot air balloons and Jessica to cut out letters for “Happy Birthday Layla” and “one” banners.  I made the balloons into vertical hanging garland by folding 4 balloons in half and gluing them together and stringing them on fishing line.  I probably made 45 3D hot air balloons that ended up dangling over the food table.  The “one” banner adorned the most precious wooden high chair borrowed from Jenilee’s parents and the “happy birthday” banner looked perfect on the pallet wall in the party room.  I’d made several picture banners from photos I’d printed and strung together one afternoon while my kiddos were taking a test.  I’d planned to print two from each month of her life for a total of 24 pictures.  I ended up with over 50 pictures I cut into squares and hung in order from youngest to oldest baby Layla.  The pictures hung behind the food table and I really enjoyed hearing people comment on their favorite photo of our girl. 

I used Chinese takeout boxes for the party favors and the table decorations to kill two birds with one stone.  Lots of people did not take their favor, so I’ve got boxes for another holiday (Valentine’s Day maybe?!) and S’more trail mix for days.  We tied balloons to the boxes, so they were a big hit with Layla who is currently obsessed with balloons.  We’ve got more than one picture of her being held by a partygoer whose face is totally covered by a balloon Layla is enjoying.  The decorations were pretty perfect if I do say so myself.  They filled the space nicely, but were not overkill.  The party room at our church made a beautiful backdrop for our creations and everything was just lovely, especially the birthday girl herself!

For refreshments, we served chicken salad croissants (stuffed with love by Aunt Kaylee), fruit cones (chocolate rimmed by Nanny and fruit chopped by Uncle Ben), cheese doodles, chocolate pretzels, cheese and crackers, and cupcakes by my talents bestie Kimberly.   I made strawberry lemonade to drink.  It was yummy.

Layla got lots of great presents including clothes, baby dolls, a little rocker, and a tricked out red wagon from her Daddy.  He was so excited to see her reaction to the wagon and she did not disappoint. She loved it and all of her other gifts. Unfortunately, it’s rained every day since her party, so she hasn’t gotten to use it much yet.  The cousins got a little ride in after the party, but it’s been parked ever since.  Stupid rain.  Skip picked out and purchased the wagon all on his own.  It was something he wanted Layla to have.  He is so invested in her life and I never want to take for granted his willingness to string lanterns and buy presents for our girl.  Plenty of good Daddies don’t get involved in the tiniest detail of their girls’ lives, and I’m so grateful he does without prompting. 

The guest of honor thoroughly enjoyed her party and all the attention she received all weekend.  She went to anyone who would take her and flirted with everyone at the party.  She got to spend a little time “chatting” with our walking buddy, Quinn, who she usually only sees in a stroller.  Quinn’s mama, Kimberly, and I have waited a long time to have birthdays to celebrate with our babies and I was tickled they could be there for her first party. When we invited folks via Face.book (ain’t nobody got time-or money- for paper invites these days) we invited Layla’s aunts and uncles as a gesture, not thinking many of them would be able to make it since they live several hours away.  We were thrilled when Ben and Kaylee AND Sarah and Andrew and their babies RSVPed.

One afternoon while I was talking about crafting balloon garland, Jessica said, “you know it’s her FIRST birthday, right?” and I said, “I know, I am SO excited!” I know she won’t remember this weekend or the balloons or the time I spent stuffing tiny boxes with golden grahams, chocolate chips and marshmallows, but I will.  And, I don’t mind admitting that this party was more for her parents than it was for her.  We are so freaking happy she is here; everyday feels worthy of a party.  The past year (and the 8.5 months prior when she was cooking) has been the most rewarding of my entire life.  Watching her grow and learn has been such a gift this year, we don’t ever want to take it for granted or omit an opportunity to show our gratitude. 

Happy Birthday, Layla June, you are the best gift we’ve ever received. 

Milestones

When we got Amoura at 7.5 months old, she was already crawling.  Emily reminded me recently that right at first she almost drug one of her legs instead of actually using it, but she crawled.  When you left her in a room alone, even for a second, she cried and crawled after you.  I remember people asking me if she could crawl yet and thinking, “Of course she can crawl, you idiot, she’s 8 (or however many) months old.”  You see, back then, I knew it all.  All babies could or at least should do things on a similar timetable because my baby did.  She was a formula baby, so she ate on a schedule (you know how I love schedules) and she slept through the night.  I just ASSumed that all babies were the same.  And then Layla was born, and except for a mutual adoration for one another, my girls are about as different as night and day. 

As of Sunday, Layla is 11 months old.  Just last week she began sleeping through the night.  By “through the night,” I mean she goes down around 7:30pm and wakes to eat by 6am the following morning.  By “just this week” I mean 4 of the last 7 nights.  I DO NOT mean the one night in which she got up twice after not going to bed until after 8pm.  Her middle of the night wakings have honestly not been as bad as they sound or as I would have thought they’d be. We did a little “sleep training” around five months to get her to go down for bed and naps awake and we could have used similar methods to get her sleeping through the night sooner.  I just didn’t feel like it was the right thing to do.  She’s already pretty tiny, so cutting out a feeding seemed like a rather bad idea.

Side note on the sleep training- I have surprised myself at how “crunchy” I’ve become parenting Layla, and sleep training-especially any kind that involves crying- is frowned upon, but I would do it again in a heartbeat.  We used The Happy Sleeper method.  Mom who does not read (can read, just chooses not to, mind you) even read the book.  We hunkered down and prepared for a week of misery, and by night three, she was an old pro.  We’ve actually created somewhat of a monster who only wants to sleep lying down alone in a dark room snuggling her lovey.  She only gets her lovey in her crib and since she doesn’t know any difference, she is fine with that. Side note over.

I have to admit that for a while, I was driving myself crazy with baby milestones.  It’s hard to have had a baby who met most milestones on the early side and then quickly experiencing your very own flesh and blood child meeting them on the late side (which is me being generous in my wording).  I know Layla was technically, three weeks early, but she also has had several advantages that Amoura did not have that I would have thought would’ve made a difference.  Layla was exclusively breast fed for first six months of her life.  She is still nursing and I am choosy about what foods she eats.  We did not give her baby cereal (no need- no real nutrition there), and we did “Baby Led Weaning” when we introduced food.  That basically just means we skipped pureed food and went straight to giving her small bites of soft, whole food.  Sweet potatoes and avocado were her first foods.  She loved both and has been a great eater since her first bite.  Amoura lived on Gerber jars and started rice cereal before 4 months.  She also ate her weight in puff weekly whereas Layla has only ever had baby food prunes (because, you know) and has recently started eating puffs on rare occasions when we’re out in public and she needs a quick and easy snack. My point is not that these choices make me Supermom or that moms who don’t make these choices aren’t as good as mothering as I am.  My point is, while I believe in the choices we’ve made and truly think they’re the best way to go, my 11 month old isn’t crawling.  She’s just not there yet.  She has finally started acting like she might be sort of interested in the idea of being mobile, she just can’t figure out how to make it happen.  It’s gotten really fun to watch her try and attempt with great determination to capture her first movements on film. 

Full disclosure? The whole milestone thing has been a humbling experience for me.  I’ve been known to creep on other mama’s Face.book pages and Instagrams and check to see how old their kids are that are mobile.  I’ve offered to pay them each week in the nursery if they’ll teach her to crawl while she’s there.  I know she’ll get the hang of it eventually; I just want everything to come easy to her.  The prospect of her doing everything slow is a little scary to me.  When I am being realistic, I don’t think she is seriously behind, but sometimes that FTM fear takes over and I freak out a little.  I also know how excited we’ll be when she does make that first move.  I literally jumped for joy when I discovered her first tooth had popped through.  This is such a fun time and the suspense and expectation of her crawling is almost more than I can bear! 

PS- It drives me nuts when people say, “oh, you don’t want her to crawl, then it’ll all be over,” or “just wait until she’s into everything.”  I had a crawling baby for quite sometime and I found it thrilling.

Now what?