In Between: The Best Rainy Weekend Ever

A little over eight months ago, Skip took Amoura out on our front porch and they waved at me as I drove away to work. When I got home that afternoon, she was gone. She’d been here virtually every day for 10 months and she was gone almost as quickly as she’d come. I remember the night we realized she would definitely be leaving us. I hadn’t cried that hard since we came home from the hospital without Levi. I just could not imagine our lives without her in them. And yet, we survived. We moved on, pouring into the rainbow baby God had granted us and trying to remember how good He’d been to us. Emily offered lots of words of encouragement (she knew I blamed her for the circumstances surrounding Amoura’s leaving) and at the time, they made me mad. I remember her saying that night and many times over that she was praying “God would redeem this situation and use it for His glory.” When we pulled up to the apartments Friday afternoon in the pouring down rain to pick up our first baby girl, those words echoed over and over in my head.

Mom and I got to visit Amoura at her home in South Carolina a little over three months after she’d left us. Skip wasn’t invited because he had not “made up” with her mom at that time. It was a baby step and full of awkwardness, but we were back in her life and filled with hope for more visits to come. In June, Amoura and her baby sister and their mom came and spent two nights with us. It was the first time I’d really seen her mom parent her, and it was a relief. Although she doesn’t have a good role model in her own mother and didn’t finish the 8^th grade, she wasn’t half bad at it. We saw them again for a quick visit at Amoura’s birthday party, but I left feeling kind of cheated- the time was short and everyone was vying for her attention. When they stopped by on their way back from a Labor Day visit, I got up the nerve to ask about a weekend visit. Her mom said that would be fine and asked me to text her some dates that would work. A few days later, we had a tentative plan and I spent the next three weeks trying desperately not to get my hopes up. I’d made plans to see her once since they moved back to Winston and they’d fallen through. On Friday morning when her mom texted me their address, I finally let myself get excited.

Although it rained ALL WEEKEND, we had a great time with that sweet little girl. It took her a little while to warm up to us, but once we stopped at Chick-fila and started eating, she came alive. I know I’ve said this before, but she and Layla have this unique affection for one another. She wanted to hold and hug Layla from the second we got out of the car. She’s talking a lot now, so she also had no problem telling Layla “no” when Layla took a toy she was playing with or tried to stand up by pulling on her clothes. She has been sharing a room either with another toddler or her mom and sister since she left us, so sleeping at night was pretty miserable. The first night she and I slept up stairs and for half the night we were in our own twin beds with room to roll over should the urge strike. The next night, however, she would not sleep without practically laying ON TOP of me and even then was restless. After Skip came in from shooting a wedding and she heard him, she announced she wanted to sleep with “Sip.” I lugged her, Layla’s monitor, my phone, both chargers, and our pillows downstairs and climbed into my own bed. At 1:45AM, she finally sacked out for the night and at 1:50AM, Layla woke up for her early morning feeding. It was my turn to provide breakfast for life group, so I got up a little after 7AM to start cooking. Thanks to a little help from my mama, I got all three of us to church on time. It was wonderful to have Amoura back at our church. SO, SO, SO many of our friends and church family prayed us through our time with her and the days following her leaving us; it was great to share her with them again.

If someone had told me eight months ago that our relationship with Amoura’s mom would be what it is today, I wouldn’t have believed them. There’s been so many times in the past year and a half that I’ve honestly thought I hated her. I don’t think I’ve ever been hurt by another person as much as she’s hurt me. I tried so hard when we had Amoura to wish her mother out of the equation. When I would pray in that way, God would remind me every stinking time that He loves her just as much as He loves me. She’s had a far rougher life than I can imagine and yet, she is a pretty positive person. The things she does that drive me the most bananas really come down to the experiences and opportunities in life that I’ve been afforded and she has not. And most importantly, in the best way she knows how, she loves Amoura just as much as I do. So, we’re working on loving her, too. She’s never learned to drive, so next week, we’re going to get her and both girls and bring them here for Skip’s School of Driving. I’ll be sure to write about how it goes. For now, I’ll leave you with some of my favorite pictures of our girls from this weekend.