Fitting In

     Skip and I started visiting churches almost a year ago.  It was a tough decision to leave my home church of 16 years, but ultimately, we felt that was the direction God had for us.  We’ve settled at a great church just down the road from our house and have been trying to get plugged in.  That’s hard sometimes when Skip is on the road and I am left to join in on activities alone.  We’ve made a great “friend couple” in Kimberly and Jason who look after me when Skip is away.  We’ve joined a Sunday morning growth group, are going to Financial Peace University on Sunday evenings, and I go to Zumba in the FLC twice a week.  I’m putting faces to names and learning my way around the many classroom buildings.  But, I’ve been struggling with feeling like Blackwelder Park is my church.  I still feel a little like a visitor.

     At my home church, I knew everyone.  The church was much smaller and I had grown up there.  People knew me and missed me when I was gone.  I sang in the choir, did special music solos, even had the lead in a Christmas play or two over the years.  I was the “it” girl at church.  People liked me and wanted my opinion and asked me to serve on committees.  This did nothing for me spiritually, but it was great for my ego.  And is probably a little to blame for feelings I’ve had toward my new church.

     Last night, God began to speak to these feelings I’ve been having through Crazy Love, a book I’ve been reading during my devotion time at night.  The chapter was about being lukewarm.  Here are the scriptures that stepped on my toes and woke me up a little:

       “Woe to you when all men speak well of you, for that is how their fathers treated the false prophets.” Luke 6:26

       “But all their works they do to be seen of men; they make their phylacteries wide and the tassels on their garments long; they love the place of honor at banquets and the most important seats in the synagogues; they love to be greeted by name in the marketplace…” Matthew 23:5-7.

     Wow.  Talk about a smack in the face.  I’ve been focusing on my feelings of not fitting in rather than focusing on the growth I’ve experienced in my walk with the Lord.  My worship on Sunday morning is genuine and my fellowship with my Father is growing.  So what if not everyone knows my name.  Maybe that will come with more time; maybe it won’t.   I don’t think it’s wrong to want to feel a sense of belonging, but I can’t make that my focus.  I have to show up with a servant’s heart and a willingness and longing for worship. Someday, I still hope to feel at home at our new church home.  But, if I never make the “in crowd” at church again, I know my place in the Kingdom is secure and the King knows my name and misses me when I’m gone.