Some People

Skip is the partier in the family.  I don’t always look forward to big party scenes and usually spend the ride to the party convincing Skip that there are many good reasons that we can’t stay long.  We’ve even got a little signaling system so I can let him know I am ready to go without announcing it.  We’ve dubbed it the “3 pat” and it usually works like a charm (except when Skip announces “she’s giving me the 3 pat, that means she’s ready to go!”). 

Last Friday night we went to the Virtual Sounds Christmas party and I was actually excited about going.  Why you ask?  Well, the guest list was full of people that I love and hadn’t seen in way too long.  I was most excited to see Amber.

A week after the greatest tragedy of my life, Amber came to my house, sat on my couch and told me I would be okay. She’s the first person who said it that I actually believed.  Amber had lost “baby girl,” her third daughter, nearly four months before.  I heard about her loss when it happened.  I was 5 months pregnant and had just found out we were having a boy.  Amber’s brother was a good friend of ours, and through some conspicuous Face.book posts, we learned that they had lost their baby.  I remember feeling so sad for her. I never imagined how deeply impacted by her loss I would be just four months later.

Seeing her at the party gave us a great chance to catch up.  Her advice is invaluable and the bond we share is difficult to explain.  It’s like she’s living my life only a few steps ahead and she can, in retrospect, warn me about what’s to come.  She’s the one who told me that some folks would not acknowledge our loss.  She’s the one who warned me about the misery that is PMS + grief.  She’s the one who told me that other books might help me, but it would be scripture that heals me.  I’m so sorry for her loss and so grateful for her experience.  We spent a good while talking about our Christmases and the jewelry we wear that keeps our babies close on a daily basis.  I think knowing that she’s such a blessing to me makes dealing with her loss just a tiny bit easier.  I hope so, at least.

I was also looking forward to seeing “Brettney.”  Brett and I go way back to Phaniels Baptist Church where I was his youth leader at the ripe age of 19 and he was a high schooler.  Courtney is the girlfriend we’ve been praying for since way back when.  I am proud of the man he’s become and grateful for the girl she is.  I’m also thankful for the friendship that is growing between the two of us.  Courtney is almost ten years younger than I am, comes off a tad shy, and only really knows me as a girl that loves her boyfriend.  That’s why when she broached the subject of Levi and our grief and listened intently to my candid responses, I was blown away.  She brought up my blog, asked about us trying to conceive again, and acknowledged the beauty of my relationship with Amber.  I cannot tell you how much that means to someone who is grieving.  Being given permission to talk for a minute about something that is always on your mind but is never comfortable conversation is such a relief.  I spent the whole ride home telling Skip how impressed I was with her willingness to step out of her comfort zone and do something many close friends have been unable to do.  We’ve been saying it for awhile but I’ll say it again, that girl is a keeper!

I really enjoyed myself at the party. I am beginning to genuinely enjoy social engagements and for that I’m also grateful.  I am still learning what it feels like to have fun in the midst of such deep sadness.  But, I am hoping practice like Friday night will make it easier.  And, I didn’t even have to give the 3 pat!