It's a Date

Ever since Pinterest came along, I’ve had quite a few “date night” ideas saved for days with spare time and nothing to fill it. Since those days never came, I decided a few months back that I needed to put some of those into practice whether there was actually spare time for them or not.  May was the busiest month Skip has had since starting Skip Erdman Events.  He shot a wedding every Saturday and two Fridays in the month.  I am not exaggerating when I say that he worked 70+ hour weeks for the entire month.  Between filming for himself, being second shooter for a colleague of his and working on several project deadlines, I saw him for 30 minutes on bad days and 90 minutes on good ones. 

Since he’s been off the road, I’ve gotten used to spending time with him, and well, I kinda like it.  The Summer Date Night Calendar idea was born out of my desire to make sure we were carving out at least a little regular time together and (of course)  my love for planning.  So, while Skip was burning the midnight oil at the office, I was taking notes from my Pinterest boards and crafting a three-month long calendar of dates.  Some of the Pinterest ideas didn’t make the cut: learning a new dance via YouTube tutorial videos, and all “cooking together” ideas were no-gos.  Others made the calendar but in the last month haven’t come to fruition: watching a new TV series together. (Although, I have started watching The Good Wife from season one by myself on the nights he is still working late, and it is SO GOOD!).  But, for the most part, the calendar has done its job and we’ve had the most fun on these dates.  Most of the dates have been home dates and have started after Layla was in bed.  Several dates had to be rescheduled, but almost all of them happened one way or another in the month of June. 

Our biggest date in June was a trip to Carowinds.  Neither of us had been in years, so we were really excited and talked about it for weeks before the day came.  We went to breakfast on the way and got there before the gate opened.  We knew we wanted to ride The Fury, so we headed there first thing and got to ride it three times before 11am.  We loved it!  The old, familiar roller coasters, on the other hand, were not as enjoyable, and by 2:30, we were more than ready to come home. Mom had Layla, so we weren’t planning on staying much longer anyway, but the ride formerly known as Top Gun did me in. We’d been home over an hour before I felt normal again.  We said more than once on our trek home that we are too old for Carowinds.  If you’re a ride enthusiast and would like to take our daughter in a few years, she’s gonna need some younger surrogate parents for that kind of nonsense.

Most of our other dates included desserts and/or drinks at home after Layla went to bed.  We sat outside and sipped wine and snacked on cheese and crackers one night. We spent another drinking milkshakes looking at the photos Becca had taken of Layla on our TV screen.  We played our favorite board game, Ticket to Ride, and made “massage bets” for the winner one Saturday night after an afternoon of errands and Starbucks.  All these nights have been great reminders that we don’t need reservations at a five star restaurant or a baby sitter to enjoy one another’s company.

Yummy wine and cheese plate (Aldi has the best cheese for cheese plates!)

Yes, that's a DOUBLE cookie skillet.  Don't judge.

Starbucks stop while running errands

I’ve always heard that once you have children, it is hard to put your spouse ahead of your babies, and I can testify now how true that is.  Having and losing Levi brought Skip and I closer together, so the last thing I wanted/want is for Layla to cause us to not focus on each other the way we should. Date nights remind us of why we got married in the first place.  And even though we’re not paddle boarding in the Inner Harbor in Baltimore or visiting museums in DC like we did when we were long distance dating and every date was an adventure, I like these pajama dates that start with singing Layla lullabies end with our own bedtime at 9:30PM even more. 

When we first started dating (over ten years ago), Skip moved to West Virginia to be a youth pastor.  On my second visit there, I took him a calendar of dates I thought had good visiting potential.  Before I left to come back to North Carolina, he broke up with me.  Apparently, he did not appreciate my initiative and felt like I was taking things too quickly!  I feigned nervousness this go ‘round and promised to be flexible if some of the dates didn’t work out.  Luckily, he’s come to appreciate my planning abilities and has been eager to take me on dates, even if he only has to take me to the living room. 

Timehop

I’ve wanted to write about my love/hate relationship with Timehop for a while now. If you’re not a “timehopper” (a term I just made up), Timehop is an app that shares your previous statuses and/or pictures from exactly 1 year, 2 years, 3 years… as far back as you’ve been a smart phone user.  Sometimes, I wish it gave a little more detail, or that I had given more detail in my posts.  For instance, six years ago today I was, “thankful for Skip’s heart and willingness to love the things that I love just because I love them.”  What on earth could that have been on a Sunday night at 10:12pm six years ago? Five years and a lifetime ago, I completed the Couch to 5K program and ran a 32 minute 5K.  Four years ago, I was drinking dirty bananas at the Hilton Beach Bar in Myrtle Beach. Three years ago, I was at the Summer Slam/VBS finale after letting my summer class at RCCC out early.  I wrote, “I love being in charge,” so some things really never change!  Two years ago I was in Morehead City getting ready to watch Emily get hitched.  I was super tan and adorably pregnant (with Levi).  And last year, I was packing for the beach while an adorable little 10 month old played in my suitcase. 

Looking back, it always amazes me how much things have changed and for the most part, how much better they’ve gotten.  When Skip was loving the things I was loving six years ago, what he was NOT doing was proposing, the one thing I REALLY, REALLY wanted him to be doing.  A year later, I was running those miles to look better in my wedding dress.  When I was taking pictures of my pregnant belly in the inlet at the bridal luncheon, I had no idea that it would be Amoura and not Levi that I’d be taking to the beach the following year.  Sometimes, Timehop memories are hard.  They smack you in the face with unmet expectations and broken dreams you scroll through quickly so you don’t mess up your makeup.  Other times, like last week when 4 years ago I had rolled Nanny’s hair while she sat in her living room chair, the memories are more sweet than bitter and you open the app at least a dozen times just to relive some moments you’d long forgotten.

Time is a funny thing.  When we lost Levi, lots of well meaning people said “time heals all wounds” and while I think “all” is drastic and “heals” is subjective, for the most part, I agree.  I don’t really think you ever fully heal from the death of a child or any person you really love, actually.  I think there will forever be a sting when people ask how many kiddos we have or when naïve moms announce their pregnancies as if it is impossible that anything could go wrong.  Just this week, a woman on my crunchy mom Face.book page shared that her friend had lost a baby at 35.5 weeks pregnant and asked advice on how to be there for her.  I spent a few hours on memory lane reliving the saddest days of my life, so I could write a thoughtful response and hopefully help this friend meet some needs of this baby loss mom.  I got to respond by the glow of a baby monitor and the sound of Layla talking herself to sleep.  Time, in the last year especially, has been very good to me. 

The last six months alone have been a great illustration to me of time’s healing power and God’s divine purpose in only lighting the very next step on our paths for us.  On January 21^st, after 10 months of raising Amoura, we said goodbye to her.  We hadn’t been away from her more than two nights in a row since she came to stay with us and we had no idea when or if we would see her again.  It was three months before Mom and I saw her again and just under six before Skip got to see her.  I’ve already shared some of the details of their visit, so I’ll try not to repeat myself, but what happened is nothing short of a miracle.  It was the gracious work of The Father providing an incredible gift to his children.

I’d tried and succeeded for nearly a year to not develop a relationship with Amoura’s mother, Karria.  But, if I was ever going to have a relationship with Amoura again, I was going to have to mend fences with her mama.  Hate is a strong word, but I think for a while there I really did hate her. She was downright cruel to us on more than one occasion and had done a few things that while they had not really put Amoura in danger, they surely had not put her best interests first either.  For a while I couldn’t even pray about our relationship because I had absolutely nothing to say regarding her that I could say to the Savior; when I thought about the fact that He loves her just as much as he loves me, I didn’t really want to talk to Him anyway.  And then TIME PASSED and my heart healed a little.  All the while, I know others were praying, interceding on my behalf, and God was hearing their prayers.  I started praying for her mama and for something to change.  I sent a little care package in the mail for Amoura and included small gifts for her mama and her soon-to-be-born baby sister. And finally, nearly two months after Amoura left us and over 6 weeks after I’d had any communication with her, I got a text.  The lines of communication were open once again.  It moved slowly from there.  I longed to ask to visit her, but I knew the timing would have to be right and sensed that is wasn’t.  And then, she blew my mind- she’s been doing that on the regular since we met- and asked if we could come visit right after she had the new baby.  She was asking me if I would come see Amoura.  Mom and I went, and it was wonderful, but I longed to have her back in our home, even for a visit.  So when Skip had business in Atlanta a few weeks ago, I cooked up a plan to have him bring them back with him.  And, that’s exactly what happened.  They spent two nights and Karria and I spent plenty of one on one time and shockingly, it was not awkward at all!

If someone had told me six months ago that I would invite her into my home, cook meals for her and spend time just shooting the breeze with her, I would’ve looked closely for the hole in their head.  If there was an app for a year down the road, I would never have believed in June of last year that our time together would’ve happened like it did.  I never would’ve spent the time praying over our relationship, either.  If I had known then what I know now, I probably would’ve coasted through the past six months in eager anticipation.  Forgiveness and “fence-mending” don’t come easy for me.  It’s not really in my character to get chummy with someone who’s hurt me as deeply as she has.  The new relationship that’s forming is inarguable evidence of God working mightily in me.  I’ve gotta believe that He isn’t done using me in Amoura’s life and perhaps he wants to use me in Karria’s life as well. 

So, today, I am thankful for Timehop. Even though it reminds me of the younger/pre-crowsfeet/smile line/skinnier me, it’s also a great reminder that God has numbered my days and designed a perfect plan for every single one of them.

The Best Day

There are some days that you just know you’ll remember forever. A few of those for me have been the day I met Skip, the day he proposed, the day we got married, and both times I gave birth.  And then, there’s today.  It was a day I thought would never come and was such an awesome reminder that the God I (try to) serve is bigger than my thoughts, my plans and my circumstances.  He loves me and he wants to give me good gifts.  Today was a one of those gifts.

Skip arrived with Amoura, Karria (her mom) and Anyla (her 2 month old) baby sister around 6PM yesterday.  I fixed frozen pizza and salads and we all sat down together to eat dinner.  Amoura definitely remembered our house and made herself at home right away.  I got to snuggle the new baby because Amoura did a fabulous job entertaining Layla.  I swear they both remembered each other.  It’s like they have this bond, which considering I rocked Amoura to sleep every night of Layla’s gestational life makes good sense to me.  Anyway, spending time with Karria was more comfortable and enjoyable than I had expected, and I knew by the time we put the girls to bed that it was going to be an amazing visit.

Today, we hung out at the house (mostly because it was too stinkin’ hot to do much else).  Mom spent the day with us and all three of the girls were very well behaved.  Karria wanted to try bottle-feeding Anyla, so we spent some time bonding over pumping practices and milk storage.   I cooked dinner and mom brought Krispy Kreme for dessert.  I had gotten tickled at a text from Karria the day before they came that called the visit a vacation, but that’s really what it’s felt like.

It has been amazing to watch little-girl Amoura still do the stuff that we taught baby-girl Amoura to do.  She uses quite a bit of sign language we taught her.  She cleans her area at the table after every meal and uses a fork better than some teenage boys I’ve seen.  She’s a great eater and still loves fruits and vegetables. She ate more salad at dinner than anything else, but she still has a sweet tooth.  She was great for her bath and still makes my heart melt in jammies.  She loves getting her nighttime lotion on and was generous with the kisses with both babies.  Overall, she is a great listener and is finally talking!  She says “no” while shaking her head up and down for “yes” a lot of the time, but when she means “no” you can sure tell it.  She still loves to wrestle on the bed and be chased through the house.  I could go on and on, but playng with three little girls is exhausting and I’ve got a long day of driving them back to Anderson ahead of me tomorrow.  I just had to share a bit about our day and some of these precious memories in pictures. 

 Sharing is caring

 Giving her some sugars

 Nana and naked Layla

 Nanny and Anyla

snacking

She didn't care that Layla doesn't have teeth to brush!

Cheese!

When I was a little girl, my mama got my picture made quite often.  There was a photographer near Eden named Tim Tally who was the Blair Philips of the area and several times during my childhood, Mama forked over a ridiculous amount of money for a photo shoot with wardrobe changes and creative props and the like.  We even went back to him once after we moved to Kannapolis because mom liked his work that much.  Mama is still a sucker for pictures and insists on printing most of the pictures we take of Layla with our phones.  She’s got a Groovebook subscription and takes her 100 photos a month very seriously.  I knew when we started having children, we’d want to have their pictures taken regularly by a professional.

When Layla was born, we looked into newborn photography and, holy smokes, was it expensive.  We decided instead of hiring someone, Skip and Luke would take them.  I had grandiose visions of family shots and shots with just the girls and shots with just Layla and me, and boy was I mistaken.  We got enough good ones to craft an awesome Christmas card and that was about it.  Instead of curling up into a cute little newborn knot, Layla stretched out all 5lbs 9oz of her and managed to look like a pale Ethiopian baby in almost every picture.   We decided the next time we wanted pictures, we would hire a professional.

As Layla got close to 6 months old, we started talking about scheduling a photo shoot.  Since Skip is in a similar industry, he has lots of photographer friends and we follow their work on social media and have about a million options when it comes to family pictures.  The last several times we’ve wanted to hire a photographer, our friend, Becca, has been in Montana working for a photographer there.  She was not on this side of the map for maternity pictures, Amoura’s first birthday, or Layla’s newborn shoot.  When I realized she’d be around when Layla turned 6 months old, I knew we’d be hiring her. Becca shot our wedding and we’ve had one of those friendships that feels like slipping on your favorite sweatshirt on the first cold day of Fall.  She’s comfortable to be around and there’s a familiarity with her that makes you wanna smile with your whole body.  She was patient as I switched the date about three times to accommodate Skip’s ever-shifting schedule and didn’t force me to choose a time when lighting was the best and Layla (would have been) the worst. 

The afternoon of the shoot was a hot one and in the middle of one of Skip’s busiest weeks of the year.  Nevertheless, we dressed up in our coordinating-but-not-matching outfits (thanks, Pinterest!) and headed to the park.  You can’t tell from the finished products, but Layla was less than agreeable and kept her hands in her face and her fingers in her mouth for most of the shoot.  She wouldn’t smile unless I was all but cutting flips while blowing raspberries. Still, we got some really great shots and it was hard to narrow them down to 25 images- the package we agreed on with Becca.  We actually made the selection process into one of our “summer date nights” (more on that later). We put the pictures on the TV and picked our favorites while sipping Sonic milkshakes and marveling over the beautiful daughter we created together.  I want to get three or four of the pictures framed in fairly large coordinating frames to replace the collection of small frames on the shelves in our living room.  It looks great in my head, but I’ll have to let you know later if it looks great in real life.  For now, I’ll leave you with some of my favorites of our little family. 

 I can picture her as a little girl here, telling a story and laughing as she goes.

 You think she has any idea how much we love her?

 My hair doesn't always look this good, so I had to share!

Just like her mama, she is a Nanny's girl!

Oh, my heart!

 She's up to something.

I hope we're always embarrassing her with kisses.

You can't really see them, but our whole family is in this picture.  The necklace I'm wearing has all our babies on it.  Layla might be the only one we get to snuggle every day, but there's another baby boy and little girl who have a piece of our hearts.