My Advice

Not that any one has really asked, but, I’ve been thinking about some of the things that I’ve done that have helped me deal with my grief, and I think they’re worth sharing.  Today, as I talked for over an hour with another BLM, she described the way I’ve handled some things as “proactive,” and I would have to agree.  I’ll give you an example.

A couple from our church was expecting a baby girl around the same time we were expecting Levi.  The mom and I had talked a bit about our pregnancies, and I was looking forward to watching our babies grow up together.  Her c-section was scheduled for just two days after my due date. They were very kind to us when we returned to church and Skip texted with them the day their little girl was born.

Every Sunday since, I’ve braced myself and glanced over to their area of the sanctuary to see if the new baby was making her Sunday debut.  Yesterday was her day.  It, luckily, was a pretty good day for me and in an instant, I decided that I had to go over and meet this precious little girl and hug her mama, my friend.  In the five previous weeks of nervous glances, I never planned to meet this little miracle.  I just needed to know that she was in the room so I could avoid her.  Going close enough to smell her baby skin was not in the plan.  But yesterday, it was. 

I needed to do it on my terms.  I needed to be the one who made the choice to be that close to another baby.  I needed to not run into them in the grocery store or a restaurant and not be prepared.  I needed to make the first move.  Honestly, had she been a little boy, I couldn’t have done it.  And, I couldn’t hold her or talk to her much.  But, I survived saying, “nice to meet you” and going back to my seat.  And, I was glad I did it.  Her dedication service will be next weekend, and I am grateful I have plans to be out of town.  I was dreading it already and relieved to not have to decide whether to stay in the worship service for the dedication. 

What I realized today talking to my friend is that there aren’t really set stages of grief.  We all do it differently.  Some BLMs I know cannot even look at babies on commercials, much less voluntarily walk right up to one.  I could on that given day, but I don’t want to attend a dedication service for a new baby- even though I SO believe in the act of dedicating babies to the Lord.  The next time I see this little girl, I may burst into tears.  Grief is something that cannot be taken one day at a time; it must be taken one breath at a time.   And, I am more than a little grateful that some breaths are getting easier to take.